A Fried Pompano in My Door This Morning

A Pompano at the Door: A Morning I Will Never Forget

This morning began like any other, until it didn’t.

When I opened my door this morning, there was a package waiting for me. Inside: a perfectly fried pompano, steaming white rice, and bok choy. No note. No name. Just one of my favorite fish dishes, prepared with care and intention.

For a moment, I simply stood there, surprised and a little puzzled. I called the front desk to ask if I had a visitor earlier that morning. They checked. No record. No outside guest. No delivery log.

That’s when a quiet realization settled in: this had to be an inside job.

As I prepared to head over to Newton’s Restaurant  for my take-home brunch buffet, my mind was already full, wondering who would know my love for pompano, and who would take the time to do something so thoughtful without seeking credit. Gratitude and curiosity followed me as I stood in line, packing my brunch containers.

And then, one of those moments that stays with you.

Just as I finished filling my first dish, a voice behind me asked softly:

“Did you like the pompano?”

I turned around, and there she was, Martha Rodriguez, one of my favorite servers here at The Heritage Downtown.

I didn’t hesitate. I hugged her and thanked her profusely. The mystery was solved, but the meaning of the moment only deepened.

Martha told me that pompano is her daughter’s favorite fish, and when she bought one for her family, she decided to purchase an extra, for me. No announcement. No expectation. Just a simple, generous act of kindness.

In all my years of living, writing, and observing human nature, I have learned this:
True kindness is almost always quiet.

This was not about the fish, though it was delicious.
It was about being seen. Remembered. Thought of.

Acts like this remind me why The Heritage Downtown, Walnut Creek, is not just where I live, it is home. This is an active senior living community, yes, but more importantly, it is a place where the kitchen staff, servers, and support teams bring their humanity to work every single day.

To Martha, and to all the kitchen and serving crew at THD: thank you.
Thank you for the meals, the smiles, the conversations, and the countless small kindnesses that often go unnoticed, but never unfelt.

This one, I will never forget. And Martha, once again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Tears of Joy, I am feeling now, as I write this posting.  Below are articles, I have written and experience the Act of Kindness I have received from Friends and Strangers!

My Articles Related to the Act of Kindness and Pompano:

https://chateaudumer.blogspot.com/2021/09/an-act-of-kindness-from-young-stranger.html

https://chateaudumer.blogspot.com/2013/06/three-acts-of-kindness-from-strangers.html

https://chateaudumer.blogspot.com/2020/09/coping-up-with-grief-picking-up.html

https://chateaudumer.blogspot.com/2021/12/some-of-my-favorite-quotes-on-kindness.html

https://chateaudumer.blogspot.com/2016/08/grilled-pompano-fish-from-sea-food-city.html

Marriage is a Catalyst for Psychological Transformation

This Posting is inspired from my recent reading on Psychology Today as well as the the question I was often asked from several of my Fellow THD residents:

David, How Long Have you been Married?

I could personally identify with the tone of this article, after being married for over 63 years to one person

Marriage isn't just a legal status. Research shows it triggers universal personality shifts that make couples more dependable but less social and patient.

Marriage is more than a change in legal status; it is a catalyst for significant psychological transformation. According to a study tracking 169 newlyweds over 18 months, the first two years of marriage fundamentally alter core personality traits.

Men generally become more conscientious and dependable, while women experience increased emotional stability, reporting lower levels of anxiety and anger. However, this transition often leads to a decrease in "openness" as couples settle into domestic routines and a decline in extroversion as they prioritize their partner over their broader social circles.

These shifts appear to be a universal part of the marital experience, occurring regardless of age, whether a couple lived together beforehand, or if they have children. As the "courtship mask" of the early relationship fades, partners often become less patient and more disagreeable with one another. Because these personality changes are largely unavoidable, experts suggest that long-term success depends on more than just compatibility. Instead, the survival of a marriage relies on the active development of self-control and the practice of forgiveness to navigate the inevitable changes in how partners relate to each other.

Source: Lavner, J. A., Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. Personality change among newlyweds: Patterns, predictors, and associations with marital satisfaction. Developmental Psychology.

Meanwhile, here's my personal reflection on the above Topic: A Wisdom Learned after being Married for over 63 Years 

When I first married, I believed, quietly, confidently that I more or less knew who I was. I had opinions shaped by years of work, success and failure, convictions earned the hard way, and emotional habits I mistook for wisdom. Marriage didn’t challenge those beliefs all at once. It did something far more effective. It lived with them. I was only 23 years old, then. 

Marriage has a way of revealing the self you didn’t know you were still carrying. Not the polished public self, but the private one, the impatient one, the defensive one, the one that wants to be right more than it wants to be understood. No career review, therapy session, or solitary reflection ever held up that mirror for me the way marriage did.

I learned quickly that love does not erase our psychological wiring; it activates it.

The small moments were the most instructive. How I reacted when plans changed. How I responded to criticism I didn’t think was fair. How silence could feel safer than vulnerability. Marriage exposed patterns I had carried for decades without naming them. And once named, they could no longer hide.

What surprised me most was how deeply marriage reached into my past. Conflicts were rarely just about the present moment; they were echoes of earlier lessons about control, independence, and self-protection. Marriage didn’t create those tensions, it revealed them. It forced me to ask whether I wanted to remain emotionally intact or emotionally honest.

Over time, I noticed something else: marriage reshaped my sense of identity. Decisions that once belonged solely to me now required conversation, patience, and compromise. At first, this felt like a loss. Later, it felt like an expansion. I was no longer performing a version of myself; I was becoming one.

Marriage demanded skills I had never needed to master alone listening without preparing a rebuttal, apologizing without qualifying it, staying present when withdrawal felt easier. These were not romantic achievements. They were psychological ones.

And perhaps the most humbling lesson of all was this: growth in marriage is uneven. Sometimes I moved forward. Sometimes I resisted. Sometimes my partner grew faster than I did, forcing me to confront stagnation I would have otherwise ignored. Marriage, I’ve learned, is not about mutual perfection, it is about mutual patience.

Looking back, I no longer see marriage as a destination or a settled state. I see it as an ongoing psychological apprenticeship. It doesn’t promise comfort, but it offers something rarer: the opportunity to become more self-aware, more emotionally literate, and if we allow it, more fully human.

Marriage did not change who I was overnight. It simply made it impossible for me to stay the same.

MEANWHILE. Here's some notable quotes on marriage: 

Important marriage quotes 

highlight love, forgiveness, friendship, commitment, and growth, emphasizing it as a journey of imperfect people learning to enjoy differences, a partnership requiring effort, and a profound bond that deepens over time. Key themes include finding joy in companionship, the ongoing practice of love, and building a life greater than the sum of two individuals. 

On Love & Friendship:

• "A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers." - Ruth Bell Graham
• "Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends." - Harville Hendrix
• "To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides."- Unknown
• "Love is a friendship set to music." - Augustus William Hare 

On Effort & Commitment:

• "A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other." - Unknown
• "A great marriage isn't something that just happens; it's something that must be created." - Fawn Weaver
• "Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day."- Barbara De Angelis
• "A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." - André Maurois 

• My Quote of the Day:  

  
  

  “Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.” Anonymous

   

  My Photo of the Day: 

• 
  Wedding Day, May 8, 1957, Boac, Marinduque, Philippines 
  
  
• Finally, here are the top Five News of the Day:

• 1. Major global events roundup — A daily summary of the most significant overnight national and global news. 

• 2. NASA’s Artemis 2 test — NASA begins a critical wet dress rehearsal fueling test for the Artemis 2 moon mission, advancing preparations for the next crewed lunar flight. 

• 3. Australian Open breakthrough — Carlos Alcaraz defeats Novak Djokovic to win the Australian Open men’s title, completing his career Grand Slam at a young age. 

• 4. Zaporizhzhia hospital attack — Russian forces reportedly bomb a maternity hospital in Zaporizhzhia, Ukraine, injuring civilians amid the ongoing conflict. 

• 5. 2026 Grammy Awards happening today — The 66th Annual Grammy Awards take place in Los Angeles with live performances, red carpet, and major nominees in music’s biggest night.

Why the Philippines is Now Rank Second in the World for Time Spent on Social Media

Why the Philippines Now Ranks 2nd in the World for Time Spent on Social Media and What It Says About Digital Culture

In 2025, the Philippines was ranked second in the world for daily time spent on social media, with Filipinos spending nearly 5 hours per day scrolling, swiping, posting, and watching content on social platforms, up from about 4 hours in 2020. Yet even as average engagement climbed, the country slipped from the top global spot, which is now held by Kenya, where users average roughly 5 hours and 11 minutes daily on social media. 

So what’s behind the Philippines’ enduring and growing social media habit? Let’s break it down.

 1. Near-Universal Smartphone Access

One of the biggest drivers is access. The Philippines now boasts near-universal smartphone ownership, with more than 98 % of the population owning a mobile device. This has essentially made digital connectivity part of everyday life for chatting, watching, shopping, banking, and entertainment. 

With smartphones within reach of nearly everyone, social media isn’t just an option, it’s embedded in daily routines.

2. Social Media Woven into Everyday Life

Filipinos aren’t just logging in- they’re deeply engaged:

• Facebook use in the Philippines far outpaces global averages, with around 95 % of internet users accessing it monthly.

• YouTube is also extremely popular, with about 85 % of users visiting at least once a month.

• Short-form video platforms like TikTok have seen explosive engagement across age groups.

• On average, Filipinos engage with eight or more social platforms every month, one of the highest multi-platform usage rates globally. 

This rich ecosystem keeps users switching between apps, content types, and communities throughout the day.

 3. Video Consumption Is Through the Roof

Video content is a huge part of the story. Filipino users are among the world’s top consumers of online video from vlogs to music videos, tutorials, livestreams, and short-form clips. Some reports even described the nation as a "vlogging nation," with a large share of internet users watching video content weekly. 

Video keeps eyes glued to screens longer than simple text or photos, and platforms like TikTok and YouTube are optimized to promote long viewing sessions.

4. A Digital Culture of Connectivity

In the Philippines, social media serves many roles beyond entertainment. It’s a hub for:

• Communication - chatting with family and friends across islands and abroad

• News and trending information

• Community building and identity

• Commerce - from product discovery to mobile shopping and digital payments

Social platforms have become de facto social infrastructure — a way of life, not just a pastime. 

5. Affordable Data and Mobile Plans

Relative to many other countries, mobile data in the Philippines can be more affordable and widely available, which lowers the barrier to broad and frequent digital use. Combined with strong network coverage across urban and rural areas, this helps sustain heavy social media patterns.

So Why Isn’t the Philippines #1?

Even with all these factors in its favor, the Philippines is just slightly behind Kenya in average daily time spent on social media. In Kenya’s case, a combination of youthful demographics, mobile-first internet access, and heavy reliance on digital platforms for communication and news pushes overall engagement to the top globally. 

In short, Kenya’s social media ecosystem edges out the Philippines in sheer hours online, even as the Philippines maintains extremely high engagement.

 What Does This Mean?

 For Users

• Connection vs. balance: People are more connected than ever, but spending nearly 5 hours a day on social platforms can raise questions about attention balance, productivity, and well-being.

• Information access: Social media remains a major source of news and trends, but it also carries risks such as misinformation, which is a growing concern among Filipinos. 

For Businesses

• The Philippines represents a massive and highly engaged digital audience, ideal for marketing, e-commerce, content creation, and influencer partnerships.

• Brands that understand local digital habits can tap into deep engagement and community interactions for impact.

 For Culture

• The way Filipinos use social media, not just to consume content but to shape trends, drive conversations, and connect across distances is reshaping how society communicates, entertains, and organizes.

 Bottom Line

The Philippines may no longer hold the global crown for time spent on social media, but its position at No. 2 with nearly 5 hours a day tells a compelling story about digital life in the 2020s. With near-universal mobile access, a culture built on connectivity, and some of the world’s highest engagement with video and social platforms, the nation remains one of the most socially active digital communities on Earth.

And as digital habits evolve driven by new platforms, new behaviors, and new technologies,  so too will the way we define social media engagement in a connected world.

Meanwhile, here's the AI Overview on the Above Topic

The Philippines consistently ranks among the top in the world for time spent on social media, with users averaging over 3.5 hours daily in 2025

. This high ranking is driven by a deeply ingrained "always-online" culture, high mobile connectivity, affordable data, and the use of platforms like Facebook and TikTok for entertainment, news, and commerce. 

Why the Philippines Ranks 2nd in Social Media Usage

• 
  
• High Digital Engagement & Demographics: A young, tech-savvy population combined with a highly social, "always-connected" culture drives high engagement.
• Affordable Data & Connectivity: Cheap data plans, "free Facebook" promos from telcos like Globe and Smart, and the proliferation of mobile devices facilitate constant, low-cost access.
• Centrality of Social Media: Social platforms are used as primary tools for communication, news, entertainment, and e-commerce, rather than just networking.
• Mobile-First Nation: The vast majority of access is through smartphones, making it the most accessible way to go online. 

What it Says About Philippine Digital Culture

• 
  
• "Social Media Capital" Reality: The country has solidified its reputation as the social media capital of the world, with almost 99% of internet users accessing at least one platform.
• Virtual Community & Socialization: Due to high overseas worker populations and a, social media is vital for maintaining, family connections and staying, social media is vital for maintaining.
• High Influence of Creators: Filipinos are highly engaged with influencers, with over 51% following them, driving trends and, consumer behavior, with over 51% following them.
• "Always-On" Lifestyle: Social media is blended into daily life, used for everything from business to political engagement. 

The digital landscape in the Philippines is characterized by immense activity, with 97.5 million internet users as of early 2025, representing a robust,, connected, and deeply.

Meanwhile, 

We know Filipinos are Austronesian by culture and language.

But a 2021 genetic study revealed something shocking:

The Ayta Magbukon of the Philippines carry the highest level of Denisovan DNA in the world, even more than Australian Aborigines.

Denisovans were an ancient, now-extinct human species.

Which means before the Austronesians arrived. There were already other humans living here and their DNA is still inside Filipinos today. Our history didn’t start with boats. It started with a lost species.

Did you know the Philippines holds this genetic record?

Lastly, I enjoyed this afternoon THD Activity. 

Here's photos of My Creation. Kudos to Elane for a well-organized activity:

My Tulip Pot in Good Company with Some of My Cacti Collections in My Patio

Why Just Some People Click- Interpersonal Synchrony

Why Some People “Just Click”

A Personal Reflection After Years of Watching Human Nature

I recently read a Wall Street Journal article by Kate Murphy titled “Why Do Some People Just Click?” It explores what scientists call interpersonal synchrony, the subtle, often unconscious way people fall into rhythm with one another. As I read it, I found myself nodding repeatedly, not because the science was surprising, but because it gave language to something I have been witnessing for most of my adult life.

After more than fifteen years of blogging and many decades of simply paying attention, I’ve seen this phenomenon play out in conference rooms, hospital corridors, parish halls, family gatherings, and chance conversations with strangers. Sometimes you meet someone and within minutes it feels as if the conversation has already been underway for years. Other times, just as quickly, you sense friction, discomfort, or an unspoken resistance. Nothing dramatic is said, yet everything is communicated.

Looking back, I can now see how often my own life has been shaped by these moments of clicking.

In my professional years, I noticed how certain colleagues could work together almost effortlessly. Meetings flowed. Decisions felt clear. There was a shared cadence in how problems were approached. At the time, we might have called it chemistry or mutual respect. Only later did I realize that we were, quite literally, in sync, mirroring speech patterns, pacing, even silences. The work felt lighter because the human connection was aligned.

But I have also lived the other side of this.

I have experienced relationships, professional and personal, where that same synchrony accelerated tension. When people click too quickly, differences can be overlooked, assumptions go unchallenged, and emotions intensify before wisdom has time to catch up. With age, I’ve learned that clicking can be a fast track not only to intimacy, but also to disappointment or drama.

When I was younger, I trusted the feeling almost completely. If the connection felt right, I assumed it was right. Time has tempered that instinct. Today, I notice the click, but I don’t rush to interpret it. Experience has taught me that rhythm is not the same as shared values, and ease is not the same as depth.

What resonated most deeply in Murphy’s article was the idea that synchrony happens largely outside our awareness. That explains why these encounters can feel almost spiritual in nature, something beyond logic, beyond control. And yet, the older I get, the more I believe we are called not just to experience connection, but to discern it.

As a Roman Catholic and as someone who has spent years reflecting on human fear, continuity, and meaning, I now see clicking as an invitation rather than a conclusion. An invitation to listen more closely. To slow down. To ask whether this harmony leads toward truth, compassion, and growth or merely comfort.

There is also hope here. Synchrony, the article notes, can be nurtured through presence and attentive listening. That aligns with what life has taught me: the deepest connections I’ve known were not always instant, but they became profound because both people chose to stay attentive, patient, and open.

After years of watching people and myself, I no longer romanticize the click. I respect it. I notice it. And I place it within a larger story that only time can reveal.

Sometimes the music starts immediately. Sometimes it takes a while. And sometimes, wisdom lies in knowing when to listen rather than join in.

That, at least, is what these years have taught me.

Meanwhile, here's the AI Overview:

It has been scientifically measured the state of interpersonal synchrony, where two people subconsciously align their biological and neurological rhythms. 

Recent research in 2026 and late 2025 highlights several key reasons why this happens:

1. Neural Synchrony (Interbrain Coupling) 

When you click with someone, your brains literally sync up. 

• Wired Alike: People who naturally "get" each other often have similar brain structures in social regions, a phenomenon called homophily.
• Shared Perception: Close social networks show similar neural activity when processing stories or making sense of the world.
• Predictive Ease: When syncing, your brain's "prediction error" is minimized, making the interaction feel effortless rather than laborious. 

2. Fast Conversation Response Times

A major indicator of clicking is the speed of dialogue. 

• 250-Millisecond Gap: Research from Dartmouth College shows that "clicking" is predicted by incredibly fast response times.
• Sentence Finishing: Pairs who click often close the standard gap between speakers, nearly finishing each other's sentences. 

3. Biological Mirroring

Beyond conversation, your bodies perform "deep-seated method acting". 

• Physiological Alignment: You may uncannily sync up heart rates, blood pressure, pupil dilation, and hormonal activity.
• Emotional Channeling: Subconsciously mirroring subtle facial twitches allows you to actually feel the other person's happiness or anxiety. 

4. Psychological Accelerators

Certain behaviors and environments fast-track the "click": 

• Vulnerability: Sharing meaningful or "gut-level" remarks creates an environment of trust that fosters instant connection.
• Language Style Matching (LSM): People who unconsciously mirror each other's use of function words (like "and," "the," or "it") feel more connected.
• Shared Humor: Shared laughter acts as a "secret signal" that you see the world the same way.
• Proximity: Physical closeness and unplanned, ordinary exchanges (like sitting near someone in a class) create the "social glue" for a click to occur. 

These articles explain the scientific reasons behind instant connection, detailing neural synchronization, conversation speed, physiological mirroring, and psychological elements such as vulnerability and shared language.

Finally, My Reel of the Day-Water Lilies in Bloom

https://www.facebook.com/reel/4404391786459199

Lastly, here's the top Five News of the Day:

🇺🇸 U.S. Politics & Government

1. U.S. government partially shuts down — Congress failed to pass a spending bill on time, leading to another federal government shutdown. Critical agencies could see interruptions, impacting services and funding until a new budget is approved. 

2. DOJ releases final tranche of Epstein case files — The U.S. Justice Department finalized its long-running review and released 3.5 million pages of records related to Jeffrey Epstein’s network and activities. 

🇺🇸 Domestic Protests

3. Widespread anti-ICE protests across the United States — More than 300 demonstrations are planned in all 50 states this weekend, part of a campaign demanding radical immigration enforcement reforms amid recent controversy over federal agent conduct. 

🌍 International Conflict

4. Deadly Israeli strikes in Gaza — Israeli air attacks have killed at least 30 Palestinians, including children and police officers, marking one of the deadliest days in the ongoing conflict. 

🇺🇸 U.S. Elections & Congress

5. Key special election underway in Texas — A special congressional election could flip control of the House of Representatives, narrowing the Republican majority as Democrats contest the seat.